You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
