i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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