i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
