If i come over, it means nothing
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
