My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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