I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
