I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
