I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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