When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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