Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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