He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
