Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
