did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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