Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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