I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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