looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
