I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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