The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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