she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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