I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
