dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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