Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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