how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
