we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
