Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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