just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
