The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
