We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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