If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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