I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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