We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I AM VODKA MAN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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