Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
