Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
