You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
