i just had sex bonerless
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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