Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
