No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
