I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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