I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
