I smell stomach acid.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
