just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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