needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize