I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
