So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
