She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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