Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
