Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
