no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
