Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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