if i can run in heels then i can drive
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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