I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
