You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
