i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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