You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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