Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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