Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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