I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
