I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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