Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
