Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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