I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize